When OCD is Obeyed, It Grows and Destroys.

From seemingly out of nowhere, the peace of the moment is disturbed as OCD comes roaring in with its demands. Accusations fly, panic grips, and a frantic grasping for perfection and certainty takes hold.  

OCD insists, “If you just get assurance on this ONE thing, this ONE time, then I will not bother you again. I promise!”  

Such a liar.  

Scenario #1: Hygienic Harassment

OCD asserts in its most alarming tone: “Your hands are not clean enough. What if you get an infection and die?”  

Obediently, you  make your way to the bathroom and begin the ritual.  Soap, water, rinse, soap, water, rinse, soap, water, rinse. After four full minutes, relief arrives, and the sense of cleanness and completeness washes over you.

You turn the doorknob to open the bathroom door.  

OCD harrasses you again: “What if you just recontaminated yourself? You have no idea who else touched the knob or if their hands were clean.” 

You halt.  You have been here before.  You know what this leads to, but you cannot resist. 

As you touch the chrome fixtures to compulse again, OCD screams, “Danger Danger! What if the sink handles are contaminated?” 

The horror is palpable, and you can feel the contamination on your palms. You wash with vigor.

You spy the paper towels on the counter and grab one in order to turn off the water.  You think you have appeased OCD.

No, it still isn’t satisfied: “Is that towel clean enough? Maybe during the manufacturing process, it was dropped on the floor.” 

Compulsing ensues again.  

In a last-ditch effort to break free from OCD’s grips, you use your elbow to turn on the sink and wash.  You forego the paper towel and let your hands air dry.  

Your hands are now raw and cracked, making you even more vulnerable for infection than before.  

Scenario #2: Relationship Interference

You have the fleeting thought that your girlfriend’s cousin is pretty. OCD accuses you: “What if you are lusting after her?”

You value your relationship with your girlfriend and want to protect it, so  you wrestle with what to do about this.  Thought-action fusion* has you feeling as though you’ve actually had a torrid affair with her. 

Pressure rises, and the OCD snarls: ”You are hiding things from your girlfriend. You better tell her about this attraction.  If not, you are being deceitful.”   

You give in and talk with your girlfriend, apologizing for what was possibly an “improper thought.” Relief washes over you, but she is confused, distressed, and wondering why you are saying such insensitive things.  She reluctantly forgives you but is wounded by your strange confession.

Obedience to OCD’s demands only causes the OCD to yell at you louder, bringing your attention to more women and accusing you of being attracted to them as well.  Strong feelings of guilt and paranoia overtake you, and you confess to your girlfriend that you might be attracted to these women as well, giving your relationship another hard blow. Your girlfriend asks you why, if you love her, you are telling her these things and begs you to figure out what you want.

Because of your constant companion, OCD, it becomes difficult to go anywhere. As you drive to work, you pass by a billboard featuring a model in a swimsuit.  OCD then intrudes with the thought, “You think she’s hotter than your girlfriend.” 

You hate yourself for having the thought. You know your confessions are so painful for your girlfriend. At the same time, this one feels really intense and you don’t know if you will be able to “live the rest of your life” with this secret.  The guilt of your “transgression” is more than you can take, so you call to “confess” to your girlfriend once again. At this point, your girlfriend is demoralized and breaks up with you. 

Obviously obeying the OCD only leads to destruction. In your attempt to make things “perfectly honest,” OCD has you picking at your relationship until you create the very situation you are trying to avoid. 

So, what’s up with all these thoughts and compulsions?

OCD sets off false alarms in the brain and body, which produce such uncomfortable physical and emotional symptoms that you will do anything to shut them up. The seemingly irresistible “itchiness” is relentless, and the anxiety overwhelming.  Compulsion appears to be the only solution.  

When compulsion takes place, the alarms stop– but only momentarily. The mind will itch with uncertainty again. When this happens, there is a reinforcement of the neural pathways associated with these thought-obsessive patterns, physical reactions, and associated behaviors, making the tendency to obsess and compulse even stronger.  

It’s so hard! It feels like it will never stop! 

So heck, yeah. You don’t trust your own judgment.  You doubt what you know, and it feels like you are “flying blind.”  OCD’s accusations feel so real and so dangerous. The guilt and paranoia feel insurmountable.    

It is imperative to disobey the OCD bully, regardless of how much he screams.  No matter what he says.  No matter how loud he gets. 

You. Can. Not. Give. In.

Grit your teeth, sit on your hands, and shut your mouth.  You may be trembling with fear, you may be sweating, you may feel like you are losing your mind, but you can do this!  Remind yourself that when you are feeling these awful things, you are doing the necessary rewiring work in the brain.  Say to yourself: I am anxious, and this is just a feeling.  I do not need to make this feeling go away.

As you disobey the OCD, move forward with whatever you are doing.  Yes, it will be hard.  You will walk alongside, hearing the screaming, but do not engage with it.  Do not seek assurance, and do not seek to quench the anxiety. 

Allow it to fizzle out on its own.  Ignoring it will teach the OCD that you are not going to obey it, and, in time, it will quiet down.  

Resistance is crucial.

*For more information about Thought Action Fusion see: https://www.verywellmind.com/thought-action-fusion-and-ocd-2510478